The Bacon Incident

The incident below occurred at some point in December of 2008
 and was originally posted on another website on January 2, 2009.
I probably should not share this story, but I'm going to anyway.
On Monday evening, as soon as Chris got home from work he decided he wanted bacon for dinner, so he proceeded to throw some bacon in a skillet and fire up the stove. During this process, Square (real name Andromeda) was trotting around on the kitchen island, getting even more in the way than usual. Finally, Chris booted her off.
Now Square was pretty touchy on any given day and we often called her The Drama Queen. For whatever reason, being booted off the kitchen island seriously peeved her. She complained loudly and we laughed at her.
Chris went upstairs to change clothes and I continued about my business until, a few minutes later, I smelled an odd smell. It was faint at first, and both unfamiliar and rather unpleasant. Concerned that the bacon might be burning, I went to check it.
Square was sitting smugly on the kitchen island again. The source of the increasingly pungent and now quite horrid smell? She had vengefully peed on the bacon. There was pee bubbling away in the skillet with the bacon grease and some had dribbled down the side of the skillet and onto the burner.
I was torn between shrieking with laughter and trying not to breathe, since it smelled like someone had set fire to an outhouse in our kitchen. Chris had come downstairs when I managed to gasp out, "OMG...she...peed...on...the...bacon!!" and was standing at the far end of the living room trying not to hurl.
It took a loooong time to get rid of that odor. I never want to smell anything like it again, but sadly, I have great "smell memory" and it keeps coming back to me at odd moments every so often.
We were – and still are – filled with grudging admiration, as this act took a significant amount of planning and dexterity. She had to wait until neither of us was looking, then balance precariously on the small ledge next to the burner, carefully aiming the pee while avoiding singeing her backside.

From then on, Chris carefully guarded his bacon and we were both more cautious about insulting Square.

Square: Diss her and she'll destroy everything you love.